


I Bleed Red, White and Blue

by CR Noble (erudite12)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Flashback, PTSD stuff, death of children, flashback to deaths
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-07
Updated: 2016-04-28
Packaged: 2018-05-25 05:50:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6182956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erudite12/pseuds/CR%20Noble
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A normal, broke girl who waits tables to keep a roof over her head meets Cap and the rest of the Avengers. </p>
<p>I'm not good at summaries. I honestly have no idea where this is going to go, but hopefully it will be good. :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Crash Landing

Chapter 1: Crash landing

                Alicia looked up from her work and blinked repeatedly, trying to get her eyes to focus again. She brushed back a few curls that had wormed their way out of her French braid and wiped a forearm across her sweat and grease smeared face. She wished for the hundredth time that she could afford to pay a mechanic to do all this damn work on her truck.

                It wasn’t that she didn’t know how to do it herself, but it seemed like every time she tried to do something more intricate than an oil change, she found more problems with the damned thing. In this particular case, a simple tune-up had turned into a complete engine overhaul.

                _Stupid truck_ , Alicia thought, _wish I wasn’t so god damned broke. I’d get a new car and never have to do this shit ever again._ Deep down, she really didn’t mean it. No matter how many busted knuckles and headaches it had given her, she adored her ’88 Ford Ranger. Especially since even with all the problems she had come across with it, it somehow never stopped running. She sighed and leaned forward to tighten down one final bolt before calling it a night. She put all of her tools away and switched off the hanging battery powered spotlight and closing the hood.

                She took the stairs two at a time all the way up to her third floor apartment. She went directly to the shower and spent the better part of an hour scrubbing the grease off of her skin and out from under her fingernails. She was just pulling on a pair of plush Tinkerbell pajama pants when she heard a crash, the shattering of glass and a loud thud coming from her living room.

                Alicia quickly pulled her t-shirt down over her head and ran out toward the racket. When she saw what had made the sound, her jaw sagged to the floor and she nearly collapsed.

                _What in holy hell is Captain fucking America doing laying on my coffee table?_ Alicia thought to herself, unable to speak. Her eyes darted around the room to the broken apartment window, papers that were now being blown off of her desk, and back to her coffee table, which was now in pieces under a stunned Steve Rogers.


	2. Am I Dreaming?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Alicia yells at Tony Stark for basically being kind of douchey, and Cap is his usual polite self

Chapter 2: Am I Dreaming?

                Captain America shook himself and sat up, looking around. When his gaze fell upon Alicia, he scrambled to stand up among the debris. She stared at him with an odd combination of awe, disbelief, and fear on her face. He was about to speak when she opened her mouth.

                “You broke my coffee table,” Alicia said, shakily. _Oh my god,_ she thought, _I can’t believe that moronic sentence just came out of my stupid fucking mouth._ There she was staring Captain America in the face, and she couldn’t think of anything else to say.

                “I apologize for that ma’am,” he said, guilt lacing his voice. “I’m Steve…”

                “Rogers. You are Steve Rogers.”

                “Right. Listen, I will make sure Tony pays for all of this. Especially considering this whole thing is his fault.”

                “Tony? As in Tony Stark?” Alicia was having a hard time wrapping her head around all of this. As if on cue, a man shaped red and gold object jetted through her window and landed on the floor next to Steve. She just stared at them, mouth agape. She started pacing over to the couch. “This is not actually happening, right? I mean, no. There is no way in hell that Captain America and fucking Iron Man are standing in my living room. I must have fallen asleep in the shower again. And this is just the weirdest dream ever.”

                Steve furrowed his eyebrows and glanced over at Tony. “If only,” Tony said. “But this is absolutely, one hundred percent really actually happening right now. JARVIS, I need to buy this building.”

                What the fuck is going on? Alicia just sank down to the couch, a little stunned. The two men were talking, but she didn’t really hear what they were saying. Her brain was still trying to catch up to the situation. She didn’t notice it when the men went silent and looked at her expectantly. She looked down at the coffee table and thought, _Fuck it. I mean, if this is a dream, no harm no foul right? And if not, well…just roll with it. That’s what John would have said._ Looking at the coffee table and the thought of John made her emotional, and irritable. Steve walked over to her, taking off his mask and dropping to one knee in front of her.

                “Ma’am, are you alright?” Alicia just glared at him.

                “Am I alright?” she laughed. “Just fucking peachy. And I swear I will slap you stupid if you call me ma’am one more god damned time.” She glared into his eyes. She had seen pictures of Steve Rogers basically everywhere, but seeing him up close and in person was kind of mind-blowing. He had the bluest eyes she had ever seen. They were so blue, she actually couldn’t think of any words to describe them.

                “Well, what should I be calling you, then?” He smiled brilliantly, and he was so sincere that Alicia found some of her irritation slipping away.

                “Alicia. My name is Alicia Highland.” Tony clomped over to the two of them, his mask retracting to show his face.

                “Hate to break your little party here, but we have other things to do, Cap,” Tony said. Alicia looked at him, anger flaring again. This guy, she could be angry at.

                “So, what am I supposed to do know? You two have destroyed half of my apartment, and you just buy the damned building like its no big fucking deal and leave? What the fuck, Stark?” She had stood up while she was talking, anger compelling her to get directly in his face. Steve glanced over his shoulder at Tony, whose eyebrows were raised almost into his hairline.

                “Calm down,” Tony said, as nonchalant as always. “I only bought the building so they wouldn’t sue me. I will replace everything that has been damaged.”

                “Oh, yeah? So what am I supposed to do in the meantime? Just hang out in the apartment that has a giant hole in the side of it?”

                “Why don’t you come stay with us at Avengers tower?” Steve said, standing up. When Tony turned to glare at him, he continued, “I mean, it’s the least we can do considering all of this is our fault. And it will take a little time to fix everything.” Tony mumbled something under his breath about it not taking that much time, but under the dual glares of Steve and Alicia, he raised his hands in surrender.

                “Fine,” he agreed. “Let’s go.”

                “Just give me a few minutes to pack a bag,” Alicia said, deciding she was definitely going to roll with it. Who would refuse a stay at Avengers tower? Only a crazy person. She pulled a large duffel bag out of her closet and started tossing clothes into it. When she got to her t-shirts, she wished she something that didn’t scream nerd. All she ended up with, though, were Doctor Who, Supernatural, and Harry Potter shirts. She shrugged her shoulders and tossed them into the bag.

                The very last thing she grabbed was the picture frame from her bedside table. She brushed a thumb across the tiny faces before tucking it carefully into her bag. “Okay, let’s go,” she said. She headed for the door to her apartment. “One of you is going to have to ride with me, since I don’t have a clue where I am going.” She kept walking, grabbing her laptop, a stack of notebooks, and her keys as she headed out the door without looking back to see which one it ended up being.


	3. Night Terrors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which, Alicia can't sleep and when she finally does, Cap has to wake her from a nightmare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm starting to get into the tragic past of Alicia Highland a little bit in this chapter. It isn't a whole lot yet, but in upcoming chapters, it will definitely be more dark when it comes to her.

Chapter 3: Night Terrors

                Alicia wasn’t really sure exactly what she had expected from the Avengers tower, but this giant cloud that she was using for a bed wasn’t it. The king size bed should have been the most comfortable thing she had ever slept in, after all she had always dreamed of owning a bed like this. But she tossed and turned and couldn’t find a comfortable position to sleep in. The bed was too damned soft. As she lay there, she thought about how she had ended up in this bed.

                Steve had ridden over to the tower in her truck, giving her directions on the way. They had carried on a polite conversation, but nothing really substantial. Upon arriving at the tower, Tony had directed her to a small, separate garage area that looked like it was mostly used as a workshop because, as he had put it, “that hunk of rusted out scrap metal is getting nowhere near my beautiful babies.”

                Alicia had been floored by the tower when she walked in. She wouldn’t have described it as opulent, but it was still an awe inspiring display of wealth. The massive halls and modern décor were stunning. Especially for someone who could barely make the rent on a shitty one bedroom flat in the Bronx.

                Always the gentleman, Steve had insisted on carrying her bag and escorting her to the room she would be staying in. The room reminded her of the huge, expensive hotel suites she had always seen in the movies.

                And now, she lay in an oversized, too soft bed unable to sleep. Sighing, Alicia sat up and decided to get out of bed and explore the tower a bit. The floor she was on seemed to consist entirely of empty suites like hers. At the end of the hall, an open lobby area to the left held the elevator and a door straight ahead led to the stairwell. She opted to take the stairs.

                She slowly traveled up through the tower, exploring each floor along the way. There were so many different rooms, it was mind boggling. There was a huge gym with a full mile long track and every piece of exercise equipment that existed on one floor. On another, she saw a large game room that looked like a damn mall arcade, and a room that looked like a large ballet studio. A few floors up she found several laboratories, and in one she saw Tony passed out with one hand holding a coffee mug and his face pressed into the glass table in front of him. All Alicia wanted was to find somewhere more comfortable to sleep.

                She kept moving upward, and after who knows how many floors, she came across a room with several cots lining each wall. It was set up like a small barracks, and she walked in thinking that she would probably be more comfortable on one of those cots. As she stepped into the room, she saw that Steve was sitting on the cot furthest from the door with his back against the wall and a book in his hand. He looked up when he heard her footsteps.

                “Alicia,” he said, letting the book rest on his thigh. “What are you doing all the way up here?”

                I’m sorry to bother you. I didn’t realize there was anyone in here,” she said. Steve just waved off her apology and gestured for her to come in. “I couldn’t sleep. I was tossing and turning because the bed in my room is way too soft. So, I decided to poke around a bit and see if I could find somewhere more comfortable to sleep.”

                “I know exactly what you mean about the beds,” he nodded knowingly. “That’s why I sleep in here. You are more than welcome to grab a cot.”

                “Thanks,” she said, sitting down on the cot farthest from Steve. “What are you reading?”

                “The Hunger Games,” he said. “Nat said I should read it.”

                “I don’t know who Nat is, but they were correct. It’s a great series.” Alicia yawned involuntarily.

                “I’ll just finish the chapter and then I’ll turn out the light, if you don’t mind.”

                “Far be it from me to come between a man and his book.” Steve chuckled at this and went back to reading as Alicia laid in the cot, asleep long before the chapter was over.

 

**********************************************************************************************************

 

                _Alicia was terrified. She could hear a blaring horn, screeching tires, and shattering glass. She felt a mind numbing, searing pain in her left side._

_And the screams._

_The screams came from everywhere. Her screams, the screams of a little boy and an even littler girl._

_The screams were deafening._

_*******************************************************************************************_

 

                “Alicia!” Steve shouted, as he tried to shake her awake. She screamed and thrashed in her sleep. He shook her again, but still she did not wake up. He shouted her name and shook more forcefully this time and her eyes shot open. Immediately they filled with tears and she sobbed. Steve drew her into his chest and held her tightly as she wept. The only people he had ever seen have nightmares this bad were himself and Bucky. And those dreams always had to do with the war.

                Alicia sobbed into Steve’s chest until no more tears would come. She didn’t want to, but his arms were so comforting and she had no strength to push him away.  As she slowly stopped crying and her breathing became more level, Steve released her and she sat back.

                “Are you okay, Alicia?”

                “Yeah,” she replied, putting on her bravest face while wiping the remnants of the tears off of her face. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you. I should have stayed in my room. It was just a bad dream.”

                “Do you want to talk about it?”

                “Nope. Pretty sure that is right at the top of the list of shit that I definitely do not want to do.”

                “Okay. Well, you know where to find me if you change our mind, he said gently. The concern on his face was so sincere that she couldn’t stand to look at it.

                “Really, I’m fine,” she said. “I’m gonna go back to sleep now.” Steve nodded and Alicia rolled over to face the wall, knowing that she would not be getting anymore sleep that night.


	4. First Day New Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Alicia meets Clint and Bruce while doing mundane stuff around the tower.
> 
> In which she also still has a snarky attitude towards Tony but also finds herself coming to admire him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter feels kind of boring to me. If you have any suggestions on how to make it less so, or if you disagree with my statement, please let me know.
> 
> Thank you to the people who have commented on this story! I really appreciate your readership!

Chapter 4: First day, new place

                Alicia waited, pretending she was asleep until Steve left the room. She was afraid he would ask her about the nightmare last night. Once she was sure he was gone, she rolled out of her cot and headed down to her suite. She threw on a pair of leggings and a tank top and then set off for the gym she had seen the night before. There wasn’t anyone in there when she came in, so she set herself up a circuit in light and heavy free weights before starting a short cardio warm-up.

                She was on a bench doing light weight chest presses when she heard footsteps. She looked in the direction the sound had come from and saw a very well built man with short brown hair looking back at her.

                “Who are you?” he said. _Good morning to you, too,_ Alicia thought. He strode closer to her, and she thought she had seen his picture before, but she couldn’t quite place his face.

                “Alicia,” she said, “Alicia Highland. I’m staying here for a while because Steve and Tony kind of broke half of my apartment.” One eyebrow rose at this, but he didn’t comment further on her current living situation, which she appreciated. He glanced at her weight bar.

                “That’s an impressive amount of weight to chest press for someone so small,” he said. She smirked and set the bar back against the bar catchers. She sat up and looked at him.

                “What, sixty pounds?” she said, grinning. “That’s just my warm-up weight.” She could tell by the look on his face that he did not believe her. “Who are you, anyway?”

                “Barton,” he replied, both eyebrows raised. “Clint Barton, better known to the public as Hawkeye.” He looked like he had expected her to know that already.

                “Well, nice to meet you, birdbrain, but I’d like to get to my actual workout now.” His jaw went slack. Alicia giggled internally, “If that’s alright with you, I mean.” He just nodded and went about adding weights to several machines that she wasn’t using. Alicia finished her warm-up circuit, and then got to the real workout. She was laying on the bench again, with significantly more weight added to the bar. After 4 reps, she noticed that Clint was staring at her, looking a little surprised but mostly impressed.

                “Now that is an impressive chest press,” he said. “Do you need a spotter?”

                “Nope. I don’t need a spotter for anything less than 210,” she replied between reps. “And if you think this is impressive, you should see me on leg days.” She finished her weight circuit in silence, and then put away the free weights. She hopped on a treadmill and ran for an hour.

 

********************************************************************************************

 

                Alicia was still pouring sweat from her workout when she got back to her suite. Boy, was she ever ready for a shower. She grabbed clean bra and panties and a pair of jeans and a t-shirt with a gas mask printed on it that said “Are you my mummy?” She silently cursed herself again for not having any normal clothes.

                Like everything else in Avengers tower, the bathroom she stepped into was huge. She guessed it was probably the size of her apartment, and it contained a large vanity, toilet, a sauna, and a shower. She dropped her clothes on the vanity and opened the glass door to the shower. It was big enough to fit at least a dozen people, and there was a stone bench along one wall. One showerhead hung from the short wall in the very back and the wall opposite the bench was lined with another six. But there were no knobs to turn on the water or to control the temperature. _Damn it Stark,_ she thought, _does everything have to be technology with you?_

                “The fuck do you work this damn shower? Alicia muttered aloud, running her fingers along the wall trying to find anything that would turn the shower on. She would settle for a cold shower if she had to. She nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard a man’s voice coming from the walls.

                “Do you require assistance, Miss Highland?”

                “Who the fuck is talking to me?”

                “I am JARVIS. I am Mr. Stark’s computerized butler. I run all over the electronic systems in Avengers tower, as well as Stark Manor. How may I assist you?”

                “Well, um… I would really like to take a shower.”

                “At what temperature?”

                “Oh, hell, I don’t know. Hot. But not so hot that my face melts off.” Water immediately started to pour out from the shower head above her. “Thank you, JARVIS.”

                “You are quite welcome, Miss Highland. When you are finished, simply say that you are and the water will be turned off.”

 

*********************************************************************************************************

 

                Feeling much better after her shower, Alicia headed down a floor to a common area that Steve had told her about the night before. Steve and Tony were already there, talking to a third man whose back was toward her. All she could see was what looked like a white collared shirt and dark curly hair. Steve smiled when he saw her come in and ushered her over to an arm chair.

                “What’s a broad gotta do to get a cup of coffee in this place?” Alicia said, looking pointedly at Tony, who had a mug in his hand. He walked over to a table that held a coffee pot and a few mugs and poured her a cup, while muttering something under his breath. Alicia knew it was probably something snarky and insulting, but she didn’t care. She took the cup of black coffee from him gratefully.

                “Tony said something about us having a guest in the tower,” the third man said, looking amused at Alicia’s attitude toward Tony. He leaned toward her and extended his hand. “I’m Bruce.”

                Alicia took his hand and shook it. “Don’t worry, I know who you are Dr. Banner. Nuclear physics isn’t really my thing, but word on the street is that you are quite brilliant.”

                “Thank you,” Dr. Banner said, flushing ever so slightly. “How was your first night here?”

                “Uneventful,” she replied, subconsciously glancing over at Steve. “My name is Alicia, by the way. Alicia Highland.” His brow furrowed momentarily.

                “Aren’t you a doctor as well? I know I’ve seen or heard your name in academic circles before.”

                “No. Well, not yet. I’m working on my dissertation.” Suddenly, Tony perked up and seemed interested in the conversation.

                “What is your field of study?” Tony asked.

                “Psychology, with specializations in military and health psych.”

                “I remember where I know your name from now,” Bruce said. “Your Master’s Thesis was on PTSD, and how the severity of symptoms affects the patient’s ability to form and establish lasting, meaningful relationships. I read it. Very interesting stuff. We will have to talk about it sometime. Is your dissertation along the same lines?”

                “Yes. It’s actually an in-depth study of the regulating effect of exercise on PTSD symptom severity.”

                Bruce questioned Alicia in-depth about her dissertation, and Tony even had a few questions to ask. Alicia had already decided that Dr. Banner was brilliant, and despite herself she was coming to similar conclusions about Tony Stark. Steve just watched her during the conversation. She could see in his eyes that he was still concerned about the incident from the night before. But he had made it clear that he wouldn’t push her to talk about it if she didn’t want to.

                Eventually, Bruce and Tony remembered that they had other things to do and said their farewells, heading for their respective laboratories. The silence after they left was mildly awkward, but not unlivable. Steve stared at Alicia thoughtfully for a few moments before opening his mouth.

                “Listen,” he said, carefully like he was about to say something that he was afraid of or that he thought she would be afraid of. “If you sleep better in the barracks, I would be happy to help you move your things up there. There is plenty of room.” Alicia shook her head.

                “I think I will sleep up there, but I’d like to keep the suite too. It will give me somewhere to work on my research.” He nodded, a look of concern still on his face. She didn’t understand why he seemed so worried about her. They had only met just a day ago. “Besides, I just figured out how to work the shower in the suite and it is kind of the most amazing thing I have ever seen in my life.” Steve laughed at that. His laugh was musical, she thought. She could actually sit and listen to him laugh for hours. _Where the hell did that come from?_ She thought.

                “Okay. Well, you let me know if you change your mind.”

                “Yeah, sure thing.” She looked over at him and continued, “hey, thanks. I mean, for last night. And also for, um, you know, not being weird about it.”

                “You’re welcome. And like I said last night, if you change your mind about wanting to talk about it, you let me know.” Alicia nodded, exhaling slowly.

                “Right now, I just want to know how the hell I can get outside of this building.”

                “Come on, I will show one way.” He stood and led her down one flight of steps and through a door that led to a garden area. The sun beat down on her face as she stepped out, and for a few moments she simply basked in its warmth. Then, she took a few steps away from the door and pulled a pack of Marlboro’s out of her pocket. As she put one to her lips and lit it, she saw Steve looking at her with his eyebrows raised.

                “Oh, don’t look at me like that,” she said derisively. He looked a little taken aback at her tone.

                “Like what?”

                “Like you ain’t ever smoked a damn cigarette in your life.” He looked at her sheepishly. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. After all, you were a soldier in a war zone, back before they figured out that smoking was bad for you.” He raised his hands in surrender.

                “Fair enough.” They stood together in a comfortable silence, bathed in warm sunlight while Alicia smoked her cigarette. “So what do you do besides work on dissertations?”

                “I’m a waitress at a tavern on the other side of town,” she replied. “I actually have to work tonight.” She looked up at him as she put her cigarette out and was again awed by the sheer beauty of the man that stood before her.

                He wasn’t in uniform today. He wore khakis and a too tight white t-shirt that threatened to rip to shreds if he flexed a muscle too hard. The sun glinted off of thick blonde hair that was combed mostly to one side in a style that would have looked dated on anyone else. And his face, with a square jaw and high cheekbones, was the most perfect thing she had ever seen. Had she been an artist, she would do nothing but draw this man all day. She suddenly felt the shadow of guilt at her attraction to him.

                “Well,” Steve said, not noticing her inner conflict, “if you have time before you have to leave, I can give you a tour of the rest of the tower.” He held his arm out to her, offering himself as an escort.

                “I think I’d like that,” she said, smiling at him. She took his arm as he led her back into the tower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you guys are enjoying this! If its terrible please tell me, I promise I can take it :)
> 
> Next chapter is very Tony-centric! I'm working some personal canon about him that I hope everyone will like!


	5. Past and Present

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which everyone tells Alicia that Steve is into her, and she doesn't believe it. And we find out why Alicia has PTSD, and what her nightmares are all about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long to get this chapter published. I had originally intended for this chapter to focus on a friendship developing between Alicia and Tony, but after writing it, I thought it was crappy so I scrapped it and rewrote it. And then my grandfather passed away earlier this week, so I didn't have much time to post it.
> 
> There is some definite filler material in this chapter and it is pretty lengthy compared to previous chapters, but a pretty big portion of this chapter is dedicated to Alicia's past, which is important.
> 
> Please note that this chapter has a pretty graphic flashback in which children die. If this is too much for you, then I would skip the entire italicized section of the chapter.
> 
> Everything in italics is flashback.
> 
> Thank you for reading!

Chapter 5: Past and Present

                As the days turned to weeks in Avengers tower, Alicia started getting to know the others a little better. She hadn’t planned on staying for so long, but upon inspection, Tony had decided her building was not up to snuff, and so had decided to renovate the entire thing.

                Alicia started to settle into a routine. Clint and Alicia worked out together almost every morning. Their conversations in the gym had mostly been filled with talk about his best friend, a girl called Natasha, who had apparently been on one mission or another since Alicia had come to the tower. Clint thought they would get along quite well, and Alicia had pieced together that this must have been the Nat that had told Steve to read The Hunger Games. One morning, Clint met Alicia in the gym with a lovely redhead wearing black leggings and a gray tank top.

                “Alicia,” he’d said, “this is Natasha Romanoff, also known as the Black Widow.” Alicia wasn’t sure why Clint insisted on telling her the code name, but he had done the same when he had introduced himself.

                “Clint has told me a lot about you.” The look Nat shot over to Clint could have frozen the tropics. “And Steve told me that you are the one who told him to read The Hunger Games.”

                “Yes. I told him to add it to his list,” Nat said, looking back at Alicia and smiling. “I hear you lift almost as much as I do.”

                “Yeah, I guess. Barton seemed pretty impressed.” Nat laughed at this.

                “Can you fight?”

                “Um, no. Violence isn’t really my thing.”

                “Well, take it from me, you may want to learn if you are spending time here. If something happens, you should be able to defend yourself. We can’t babysit you and fight at the same time.”

                “I will keep that in mind,” Alicia said, a little startled by Natasha’s tone. She liked the woman, though. She was all business, everything straight to the point and without sugar coating. They went about their morning workouts mostly in silence.

 

* * *

 

 

                Steve was on his cot reading a book when Alicia got back to the small barracks after her shower. Every night since she had first come to the barracks, he had woken her up from her torrid nightmares, and held her tightly in his arms as she sobbed. When he smiled at her, she felt a tingle in her gut. Everything, conversation, crying into his chest, being in his arms, seemed to come so naturally to her. It was unnerving, and the last time she had felt so immediately comfortable with a man, it had been John. And this could never be what she’d had with John. Subconsciously, her hand rose to touch the ring that dangled at the end of the chain around her neck.

                “Hey,” Steve said, closing his book and standing when Alicia walked in.

                “Hey,” she replied, smiling at him and dropping the hand to her side. She hoped he hadn’t noticed, but knew he probably had. Not much seemed to escape his notice. “Don’t get up on account of me.”

                “Actually, I was waiting for you. I wanted to know if you’d like to go out somewhere for lunch today.” She stared at him for a moment. Something in his eyes hinted that this was intended to be more than just a friendly gesture, but she must be imagining that.

                “Yeah. Lunch sounds good,” she replied. “I’m starved. But nowhere fancy or expensive. I don’t have much cash to spare.”

                “Hey, don’t worry about it. I’ll buy.” His mouth rose into a wry half-smile. “Besides, I’m really more of a hot dog stand guy myself.” She nodded and slipped on a pair of old tennis shoes before they headed out the door.

                The carried on a pleasant, but mostly meaningless conversation as they walked through the city to what Steve claimed was the “best hot dog stand this side of Coney Island.” He ordered for both of them and they walked over to Central Park, finding an empty bench to enjoy their lunch on.

                “Bucky and I used to come here all the time when we were kids,” Steve said as they ate. “It’s still one of my favorite places in the city.”

                “What did you guys do when you were here? I mean, this is only like the second time I’ve been.”

                “Mostly we would just watch people. We used to play this stupid game where we would watch two people talking and make up the conversation they were having. Bucky always had something inappropriate to say. It was fun. Sometimes we would just lay out in the grass or sit under the trees. Buck would talk about whatever girl he was interested in and I would draw landscapes.”

                Alicia looked at him thoughtfully while she chewed on a bite of her hot dog. She could tell that even though the memories were happy, it hurt Steve to talk about Bucky. She empathized. She knew what it was like to lose people, and that pain she saw in Steve’s eyes was part of the reason she didn’t really talk about her past. She instinctively reached over and squeezed his hand to comfort him. He held her hand tightly and smiled a sad smile that simultaneously broke her heart and gave her butterflies. She immediately withdrew her hand, and tried to ignore the disappointment when the smile fell away from Steve’s face.

                “Bucky used to have nightmares like you do,” he said, softly and without looking at her. “After we rescued him from Hydra, I remember waking him up in the middle of the night and holding him while he cried. He would tell about the nightmares. He said it was like every night he was reliving the things they had done to him.”

                “That sounds like a PTSD flashback,” Alicia said clinically. She hadn’t intended to sound so detached or emotionless, but it was the voice that came out when she talked about pretty much any mental illness. “It’s not unexpected, considering all that he had been through.” Steve had told her a few stories about Bucky, and the things they had seen and done in the war.

                “Well, we didn’t have a name for it back then, but I guess so.”

                “What about you, Steve?”

                “After Bucky died, I had nightmares every night. I had a hard time keeping my thoughts together. I just threw myself into the mission. That’s how I ended up on ice.”

                “Did they ever go away?”

                “After they thawed me out, I had them less often. I still have them sometimes.”

                “Oh.” Alicia’s voice sounded small, like some hope she’d had of ever escaping the dreams had been crushed.

                “I just wanted you to know that you aren’t alone. I promise that I will never push you to tell me anything you don’t want to, but I will be here to listen if you decide you want to talk about it.” Alicia didn’t answer. They finished their lunch in a silence that was both awkward and comfortable and headed back to the tower.

 

* * *

 

 

                “You look like a hooker,” Tony snarked at her over his ever-present coffee mug. He was referring to the uniform she wore at the tavern, which consisted of a too tight black t-shirt that showed just a bit too much cleavage, a black and red plaid mini-skirt, and white knee high socks. Personally, Alicia agreed with him, but she decided that he didn’t need to know that.

                “If I were a hooker, I’d have bought my own damned apartment building,” she replied. Tony laughed. “Listen, my truck won’t start. I need a ride to work.”

                “Why don’t you ask your star-spangled boy toy?” Tony smiled suggestively. “I’m sure he’d be happy to ride you on his bike… I mean, give you a ride to work.” Alicia could feel a blush burning its way up her face. Usually quick witted, she had no response for that.

                “I, uh, I don’t like motorcycles,” she said finally. “Can you stop being an asshat for a few minutes and take me to work, please?”

                “You are awfully snarky for someone who needs my help.” Alicia rolled her eyes at this.

                “Get off your pedestal, Tony. It’s your own damned fault I need your help in the first place.”

                “Fair point,” he sighed. “Well, come on then.” Alicia followed him down to one of his huge garages, which held more cars than she cared to count. There were classic cars, super cars, and several cars that Alicia had never seen before. She continued to follow behind Tony when she saw something that made her stop dead in her tracks. She took a few steps toward it.

                “Is that what I think it is?” She asked quietly, running her fingers across the trunk lid. Tony turned to look at her and scowled.

                “Hey, keep your dirty fingers off of Baby!” He said, walking over and using a sleeve to buff her fingerprints off of the black ’67 Impala.

                “It is what I think it is!” she exclaimed, sounding like a giddy school girl. “Tony Stark, why do you have a replica of the Winchesters’ car?”

                “It’s not a replica,” he said, sounding mortally offended by the suggestion. It’s the real deal. I bought straight off of the set.”

                “You mean to say that Jensen freaking Ackles has actually been in this car?” Tony just nodded, looking rather proud of himself. “Tony, I think we may have just become best friends. What else are you a closet fanboy about?” He just rolled his eyes.

                “Come on, or you will be late.” He started walking away and Alicia had no choice but to follow. She chatted his ear off, discovering that he loved all the same shows that she did. They mostly talked about Doctor Who, and she couldn’t believe she hadn’t figured this out sooner.

                “Wait a minute,” she said, abruptly. “You are a billionaire and a brilliant scientist, who is working with Bruce Banner, another brilliant scientist. How the hell do you not have your own TARDIS?”

                “It’s the bigger on the inside technology that makes it tricky. Also, Pepper said no.”

                “What did you blow up?”

                “Nothing. I may or may not half sucked half of one of my labs into an alternate dimension.”

                “Son of a bitch. You are a hardcore fan boy!”

                “Whatever. Listen, since we are supposedly best friends no, I should probably tell you something.” Tony had gotten very serious, very quickly. It made Alicia nervous, especially since she had never seen him so serious.

                “Um, okay.”

                “I do extensive background checks on everyone who comes into the tower. It is exceptionally comprehensive, especially for people who are in the tower for any extended period of time.” The blood drained from her face. Tony must know everything about her.

                “So you know about…” she trailed off.

                “I know about the accident. I won’t tell anyone. But for the record, Steve really seems to care about you. And if anyone would understand, its him. You should tell him about it.”

                “I’ll, uh, think about it.” Alicia realized that the car was stopped in front of the tavern, composed herself and stepped out of the car. “Thanks for the ride.” She slammed the door shut and walked into work.

 

* * *

 

 

                Alicia was mixing drinks at the bar when Bruce walked in, hand in hand with Nat. Bruce waved at her and led Nat over to the bar. Alicia hadn’t known they were together until this very moment, and never would have pictured it that way. She had thought that Nat and Clint might have had a thing, but now that she saw Bruce and Nat together, it made perfect sense.

                “What are we drinking?” Alicia asked them as they sat down at the bar. She brought them the two beers that they ordered and went about doing her other duties and watching them as they shared conversation on what was obviously their date night. They really did seem to love each other. Nat looked at Bruce like he was the end and beginning of the world all at once. She felt a brief surge of jealousy that was quickly overcome by an overwhelming feeling of grief and guilt. She remembered all too clearly how it felt for someone to look at her like that, and how it felt to look at someone else that way. Bruce stepped away, presumably to go to the bathroom, and Nat waved Alicia over.

                “Have you thought about what I said earlier?” She asked when Alicia walked over to her.

                “About learning to fight?” Alicia questioned. Nat nodded and Alicia just shook her head. “I told you, Nat. Violence is not my thing. Fighting is not something I have ever been interested in learning.”

                “There’s nothing wrong with having the skills to defend yourself if it becomes necessary. Besides, it’s something you can add into your workouts to mix them up, and hitting stuff if great for stress relief.”

                “Fair enough,” Alicia said. She contemplated for a moment, looking Nat’s face over thoughtfully, and then sighed. “Alright, fine. I will try it, but I am free to back out at any time.”

                “That sounds like a deal I can live with. Meet me in the studio at 5 AM tomorrow. We’ll start with the basics.” Alicia nodded her agreement.

                “So, you and Dr. Banner, huh?” Nat just smiled, her eyes lighting up. “You guys may be the most perfect couple I have ever seen.”

                “That’s only because you haven’t seen the dysfunction that is Tony and Pepper.”

                “She must be one hell of a woman to put up with all of Tony’s bullshit.” Nat laughed loudly at that and nodded her agreement. Then she leaned in close to Alicia, like she was going to tell her a secret.

                “So, what’s up with you and Rogers?”

                “What do you mean?”

                “Well, you basically share a room, and you seem to spend all of your free time together.”

                “Oh,” Alicia replied nervously. She hadn’t been expecting anyone to ask her about her relationship with Steve. She had feelings that she, of course, denied having, even to herself. But she really didn’t have a relationship with Steve. “We’re just friends, there’s nothing up.” Nat looked at her and Alicia could feel the skepticism in her gaze.

                “You’re joking right? I mean, you have to be able to see the way he looks at you.” This gave Alicia pause. She had assumed Nat was asking because it was somehow obvious that she was attracted to Steve. The idea that Steve might be interested in her was, well, preposterous. They were complete opposites. He was so good, and she, well, wasn’t.

                “I really have no idea what you are talking about.”

                “Well, then you are as blind as Barton is deaf. I’ve known Cap for quite a while now, and the only other person I’ve ever seen him look at the way he looks at you is Peggy. He’s totally into you.”

                “You know, you’re the second person today to say something like that to me.”

                “Maybe you should take the hint,” Bruce said, sitting down next to Nat and sliding an arm around her waist. Alicia just rolled her eyes and refilled their drinks.

 

* * *

 

 

                “Alicia!” Steve yelled as he tried to shake her awake. He kept yelling her name and shaking her until she finally opened her eyes. He held her to his chest and she clung to him as she sobbed. They sat like that for a long while, Steve stroking her hair and whispering that he was there now and everything would be okay.

                When her sobs finally subsided, Alicia looked up at Steve and studied his face, trying to see the look that Nat had been talking about earlier. She didn’t see it, but she felt that he did care for her in some way as he gently thumbed the tears from her cheeks. As she looked up at him, Alicia had a sudden to desire to kiss him. She pushed him away instead, breaking his grip on her and sitting cross-legged on the cot in front of him.

                “Why do you do this?” she asked. “I mean, why do you hold me while I cry and try to make me feel better?” Steve’s eyebrows shot up slightly, he was surprised by the question. He reached over and took one of her hands in his.

                “I care about you, Alicia,” he said, looking into her eyes. “More than I have cared about anyone in a long time. And I may not know what happened to you, but I know that it must have been bad. No one should have to deal with things like that alone.”

                “We barely know each other. Why do you care so much?”

                “Well, I honestly don’t know. I think it started in your apartment. When you were angry and you were yelling at Tony like he was a kid who threw a baseball through your kitchen window.” Alicia smiled a little at this. “And you don’t take any crap from anyone. You are intelligent, beautiful, strong-willed. Basically all the things I like in people.”

                “You must be talking about someone else,” she muttered. “If I were strong like you say I am, I wouldn’t be having these damn nightmares still. It’s been two years.” Steve didn’t say anything, as though he was waiting for her to continue and afraid if he said anything she would change her mind. She looked at him thoughtfully and then lay back on the bed, making a decision. “Lay down next to me,” she said. “If you really care about me that much, I am going to try and tell you about my nightmares… about what happened to me.” He hesitated momentarily, but complied and waited silently for her to start. She reached into her t-shirt and pulled out the chain with her wedding band dangling from it.

                “I used to be married,” Alicia began, holding up the ring so that Steve could see it in the dim light of the barracks. “His name was John. We were high school sweethearts, married as soon as we turned eighteen. We hadn’t even graduated yet. When I was twenty-one, my son was born. He looked just like his father, and we named him Jason Daniel, after our fathers. He was the happiest little baby, almost never cried.” She paused for a moment, she was rambling a bit, she knew, but she had to tell the story from the beginning.

                “Two years later, we had a daughter, Morgan. I remember telling John that I had been cheated because both of the kids looked like him. She was our little accident, completely unplanned. She completed our little family. We were happy. I mean, life wasn’t perfect and we always struggled with money. But we loved each other, John and I, and we loved our babies, so no matter how much we struggled or what arguments we got into, we were still happy.”

                Alicia paused again, she could feel the tears leaking from the corners of her eyes as she took several deep breaths.

                “You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” Steve said, as she tried to compose herself enough to continue, “Or if you aren’t ready to.” Steve cupped her face in one hand, and she tried to smile at him, but couldn’t manage it.

                “We were on the way home from one of Jason’s soccer games one Saturday. He was four and Morgan had just turned two. I was driving and John was in the passenger seat."

********************************************************

_“Mama, can we get ice cream?” Jason asked from the back seat._

_“Ithe cweam, ithe cweam!” Morgan echoed._

_Alicia looked over at John and they shared a smile. “Only if you are on your very best behavior.” Even John joined in the chorus of ‘yays.’ The children’s best behavior didn’t last for very long at all, and soon they were fighting over some toy or another in the back seat. John sighed and pulled out his phone, searching for a video or something that would keep the kids entertained, at least for a few minutes. Alicia kept one hand on the wheel and turned to look back at the kids. She didn’t see the light turn red._

_Just as Alicia opened her mouth to tell the kids to keep their hands to themselves, she heard the blaring horn and screeching tires. She whipped her head around just in time to see the looming grill of a semi as it slammed into the passenger side of her car. The impact of the truck made the car slide a few feet and then roll once, twice and a third time, finally coming to rest on its wheels. She could here Jason screaming in the back seat, but John and Morgan were both conspicuously silent._

_Alicia couldn’t move, couldn’t think straight. She must have hit her head on something while the vehicle was rolling because she couldn’t see straight either. She blinked a few times to clear her vision, and tried to turn to check on the kids, but something pinned her in place. She looked down and saw a large metal slice of her door had bent in and broken during the roll and was lodged in her left side. Even as she looked at the injury, she thought how strange it was that it didn’t seem to hurt. She turned her head slowly to look over at John in the passenger seat. She let out a strangled cry when she saw him, still and covered in blood, his head and part of his face crushed inward and his neck bent at an unnatural angle. Somewhere inside, she knew he was gone, but her mind shut off and refused to process the information._

_Jason had stopped screaming, but she could still hear the shallow cries emanating from the back seat. She started to reach for the rear view mirror, but it had been knocked off in the crash._

_“Jason?” she croaked, barely able to make her voice work, “Morgan? Are you alright?”_

_“I’m bleeding everywhere,” James cried. Alicia almost couldn’t make out the words. It was at that moment that she realized she hadn’t heard a sound from Morgan. A surge of panicked adrenaline raced through her veins, and she cried out sharply as she turned her body, causing the metal shard and pain to rip even further through the left side of her body. She could feel the metal shift deeper into her midsection as she turned, but she didn’t care. As she looked back, she saw Morgan was just sitting there. If it hadn’t been for the massive amount of blood staining her baby girl’s yellow dress, she would have thought she was asleep. There was so much blood that she couldn’t tell where the fatal injury was. She stifled a cry as tears poured from her eyes._

_Alicia looked over at Jason, and saw that he was severely injured as well. His cries were fading and his head lolled as he began to lose consciousness. She whispered to him that everything was going to be okay as she looked him over as best she could. She knew the words were a lie as soon as they left her lips. He had been impaled by some flying shard and was bleeding so profusely that she couldn’t believe so much blood could come from such a tiny person. As she tried to comfort him in what she knew to be his final moments, she grew colder. The blood loss was finally getting to her, and everything faded to black._

********************************************************

“The next thing I knew, I was waking up in a recovery room in the hospital where doctors and police told me that I had been involved in an accident. The cop told me that the driver of the truck had escaped with only minor injuries, but that I had been the only one in my car to survive,” Alicia finished, voice thick with tears and shaking. Steve lay on his back and had pulled her to him so that her head rested on his chest and her tears soaked his shirt. She didn’t look at him, couldn’t bear to look into his eyes.

“I’m so sorry,” he said. There was nothing else for him to say. Nothing that would make the pain of her loss any less, and nothing that would assuage the guilt.

                “I was in the hospital for about a month. They said if I had stayed still I would have been fine, but when I turned the metal nicked an artery. They said I was lucky to be alive.”

                “But you don’t feel that way.”

                “What mother is lucky to have outlived her children? It was my fault. Every day I wish that I had died in that car. Instead, I have to live for the rest of my life knowing that my family is dead because of me.” Steve didn’t know how to respond to that, so he stayed silent and held her more tightly, stroking her hair. “I don’t deserve to be happy. I had the life that everyone dreams of having, and I ruined it. That’s why I have been alone since it happened. I don’t deserve to be loved or to love another person.”

“Everyone deserves to be loved, babydoll,” Steve said quietly. “Especially someone who has been through what you have.”


	6. Moving Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is written from Steve's POV. We get a little more insight into Steve's connection with Alicia and how he really feels about her.
> 
>  
> 
> I think I didn't do the greatest job on this chapter, so I apologize if its terrible.
> 
> The POV will probably be doing a little back and forth between Steve and Alicia for the last few chapters.

Chapter 6: Moving Forward

Steve’s POV

                Steve woke expecting Alicia to still be cradled against him and was overwhelmingly disappointed when this was not the case. He sighed and stared up at the ceiling. Thinking back to what she had told him the night before, he couldn’t help but wonder how she had survived. He was a supersoldier and Bucky’s death had nearly broken him. And the things that Bucky had been through while in Hydra’s clutches had broken him, for at least a little while. But Alicia had endured something so much worse and come out swinging. He didn’t think he’d have made it himself. Losing one’s children was unthinkable, and to spend your life feeling like it was your fault was inconceivable.

                Steve understood that feeling all too well and on such a deep level that thinking about it made him physically uncomfortable. He still felt that way sometimes about Bucky, but he had utterly hated himself after it had happened. What good was being a damned supersoldier if he couldn’t even save his best friend? And he had known that Bucky’s death rested squarely on his shoulders. He hadn’t told anyone about these feelings. Not even Peggy. He’d been afraid that all he would see would be the blame, or worse, pity in her eyes. He knew exactly how hard it must have been for Alicia to tell him about the accident.

                Steve sighed again as he rolled out of the bed, his thoughts still on Alicia. The bold, brash, and beautiful woman thought herself broken, but to Steve, she was a sparkling diamond that had form under the pressure of tragedy. He’d like her from the moment they met. She had been beautiful and fiery. Apparently that was his type. His feelings had only grown since then, and he was beginning to suspect that it wouldn’t be very long until they grew into love. He knew how fast he could fall, only this time he could see it coming. It scared him. He hadn’t felt this way about anyone since Peggy. And those old pre-serum fears that no woman could possibly be attracted to him, let alone love him, were rearing their ugly heads.

 

* * *

 

 

                Steve walked through the door to Tony’s lab. He had to talk to someone. He assumed Alicia wouldn’t want everyone to know, but he had a gut feeling that Tony already knew. Tony sometimes seemed to know everything about everyone. Hell, he probably knew more about the accident than she did. Tony didn’t seem to notice that Steve was there. He was bent over a workbench, hyper-focused on whatever he was working on.

                “Steve!” a voice exclaimed. He turned as a girl with thick-rimmed glasses and long, dark, curly hair nearly bowled him over with a hug.

                “Darcy!” he said, smiling and hugging her with one arm. “When did you get back, kid?”

                “Just a couple of hours ago. Pepper put me straight to work babysitting Tony.” Tony looked up with mild annoyance and muttered something about not needing a babysitter. “I guess she thinks that since I’ve managed to keep Jane alive that I can do the same for Tony.”

                “Hey, how about I take over babysitting for a while so you can unpack and settle in a bit?”

                “Yes, sir, Captain Rogers, sir,” Darcy replied, standing at attention and saluting rather sharply before winking at him. On her way out the door, she said, “we have a ton to catch up on, Steve. I expect mini-golf. Or bowling, that would be fun, too.”

                “Tony didn’t look up at Steve, he simply asked “what’s going on?” Steve made sure the door was closed and sat in Darcy’s now empty chair.

                “Alicia told me about her family last night,” Steve said quietly. Tony stopped what he was doing and looked across the workbench at him. There was no surprise in his features, which confirmed what Steve had originally thought. “I’m guessing she doesn’t want anyone else to know, so I came here because I assumed that you already knew.”

                “And?” Tony said. “What exactly is it that you would like to discuss?”

                “Honestly, I’m not sure. I didn’t really think this through. I just had to talk to someone.”

                “Okay. So what’s your take on the whole thing?”

                “I don’t know how she pulled through it, Tony. I don’t think I would have survived that kind of emotional trauma.”

                “Ah, come on, Cap. You deal with that kind of emotional trauma everyday. We all do.”

                “I don’t think its quite the same. I mean, yeah, a lot of people have died because of me. Bucky died because of me. But I’m pretty sure that losing your children and blaming yourself for what happened is a whole lot worse.”

                “Agreed. So, what do you think?”

                “What do you mean?”

                “Do you think it was her fault?” Steve thought about this for a long moment. Did he? Alicia definitely did and he totally understood why.

                “No. It was just an accident. It could have happened to anyone. But it doesn’t really matter if I don’t think it was her fault, does it? She thinks it was her fault. And I know from experience that there is nothing that anyone can say that will change that.”

                “Does it change your opinion of her?”

                “Yes. But not for the worse.”

                “Uh-huh.” Tony stared at him for a moment, like he was waiting for something. “I’m gonna need you to elaborate.”

                “Well, I thought she was beautiful when I first saw her, and the way she mouthed off to you was fantastic. When I started to get to know her a little better, I found out that this woman was intelligent and full of life. And she didn’t seem to care what people thought about her, and she wouldn’t take anyone’s shit.” Steve paused, waiting for Tony to make some smart-ass remark about his use of profanity. When none came, he continued, “I thought she was pretty great before. Now, I think she is extraordinary. She didn’t break down or give up. She decided to use her personal experience to try and help people. She didn’t turn to drugs or booze. Instead, she went back to school and decided to get a degree that would allow her to help other people with PTSD. How could anyone see that as anything other than incredible?”

                Tony looked at him thoughtfully. “I agree. Let me tell you a couple of things that Alicia probably didn’t tell you. She may not even know these things. The truck driver that hit her car had been driving for twenty-six straight hours. He had fallen asleep while he was driving. Based on the account he gave the police, he woke up just in time to see a car in the intersection fifty feet in front of him.”

                Steve silently wondered if Alicia knew this and immediately decided it wouldn’t matter if she did. She would still blame herself.

                “I appreciate you telling me. But that doesn’t change anything.”

                “I know. Tell me, what does it matter to you? And don’t bother lying, because I already know what the answer is.”

                “I think I’m falling in love with her,” Steve replied, without hesitation. “I can’t stop thinking about her. It hurts me that she has been dealing with this alone for so long. I want to help her. I want to make her happy.”

                “Tell her you want to help with her research,” Tony said. “It’s the most important thing in her life right now. It’ll bring you two closer, and it might help you deal with your lingering PTSD.”

* * *

 

                Steve went looking for Alicia when Darcy got back. It was still pretty early, and he thought that he might find her in the gym, but she hadn’t been there. He was wandering down the hallway and trying to think of where else he might find her when he ran into Barton. He was outside the dance studio, staring intently through the window.

                “What’s going on?” Steve said as he came to a stop next to him.

                “Nat’s trying to teach your girl the basics of hand to hand.” Barton smirked at him.

                “She’s not my girl.”

                “Yeah. Whatever you say, Cap,” Clint said, the sarcasm evident. Steve shrugged it off but thought to himself, _Am I really that obvious?_

                “How’s it going?” Steve stood next to Clint and peered into the studio. Nat appeared to be trying to show Alicia a simple combo. Alicia appeared to be having difficulty replicating the maneuver.

                “As I’m sure you can see, not real well.  It’s frustrating them both to no end. It would probably be easier to teach her archery.” Steve laughed. He could understand how that might frustrate Alicia. She seemed to be the type to pick up on pretty much everything rather quickly. Finding out that this was not one of those things would probably drive her crazy. He and Clint stood there and watched until the girls had finished. On her way out the door, he thought that Nat said something about having made a terrible mistake.

                “Alicia came out shortly after and almost ran straight into Steve. She seemed to be avoiding eye contact and before he could even open his mouth to say something, she muttered an apology and was disappearing down the hallway. Barton smirked at him again.

                “Good luck with that one, Cap.”

* * *

 

                Steve stood in the shower and wished the steaming water could wash away the frustration that clouded his mind. It had been several days since Alicia’s late night confession and he hadn’t seen her for more than a few seconds at a time since. She wasn’t even there at night anymore. It was frustrating as hell.

                He stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel snugly around his waist and padded barefoot down the hallway to the barracks. _Damn the luck,_ he thought. Alicia turned toward him as he walked through the door. She seemed a little stunned. He wasn’t sure why. He made his way further into the room.

                “Hey,” he said.

                “Um… hi,” Alicia responded, she sounded uncomfortable and she was blushing.

                “Can we talk?”

                “I, um, actually have t-…”

                “Alicia, please. You’ve been avoiding me for days. I’m asking for a conversation, not your soul.”

                “If I agree, will you put on some damned clothes?” Steve looked down, suddenly remembering that he was walking around in a towel. No wonder she looked uncomfortable. A lot of things had changed since his time, but apparently it was still inappropriate to be half-naked in a room with a girl you weren’t involved with.

                “Yeah, of course. Promise you won’t disappear while I get dressed?” Alicia nodded and sat down on her bed, facing away from his end of the barracks. He quickly finished drying off and pulled on boxers, a plain white t-shirt and a pair of jeans. He watched her the whole time, and to her credit, she never moved. He could tell she wanted to leave. She was antsy, running her hand through her hair, drumming her fingers against her leg. He came over and sat down next to her on the bed. All of her nervous motion abruptly ceased and she sat staring straight ahead, still as a stone.

                “Why are you avoiding me?” Steve asked. “Did I do something to upset you?”

                “What? No, of course not.” Steve waited patiently for her to continue. She sighed and said, “I just didn’t think you’d be interested in me anymore.”

                “Why on Earth would you think that?” Steve put a gentle finger under her chin and turned her face toward his.

                “Well, I did basically tell you that I am responsible for the deaths of my husband and children. I wouldn’t want to be friends with me after that.”

                “Well, I definitely still want to talk to you.” Alicia’s eyes widened ever so slightly in surprise, and Steve’s hand dropped from her face to grasp one of her hands. “I just wanted you to know that I understand what you are going through.” The surprise on her face quickly hardened to anger and she jerked her hand away from him.

                “You couldn’t possibly understand,” she said, raising her voice. Steve raised both hands, palms out, in a placating gesture. He had the sudden feeling that this conversation was going to go very badly, but for some reason he couldn’t seem to keep his mouth shut.

                “You’re right,” he said. “I have never been married or had children. But I do understand what its like to feel like you are responsible for the death of someone that you love.”

                “Bucky?” Alicia said. “That’s so not even close to the same thing. He was a grown ass man. He chose to be where he was.”

                “I know. I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better.” Her angry eyes bored holes into him, and he knew he shouldn’t have made her talk to him. He should have waited, or approached it some other way.

                “I don’t want your pity, Steve.” She stood up and looked down her nose at him. “And you know what, I don’t want to have this fucking conversation.” She spun on her heel and practically fled the room. Steve knew he had blown it. He sighed, wishing he had just shut his stupid mouth. He just wanted to help, and eventually tell her how he felt. But she was shutting him out now. Maybe for good.

                _What the hell do I do now?_ Steve thought. He found himself wondering what Bucky would have done in this situation. He’d always been so much better with women than Steve. He tried to think like Bucky, and an idea came to him. He pulled his phone out and sent a quick group text to Nat, Darcy, and Tony.

                _I need your help pulling something off._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so you guys know, Summer Semester starts this week for me, so it may be a couple of weeks before I have another chapter for you.


	7. Date Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you really think this is a good idea, Steve?” Alicia asked quietly. He wasn’t sure how to answer. Was it a good idea? Probably not. Getting too emotionally invested in someone never ended well for him. But the real question was did he care if it was a bad idea. He didn’t, and he smiled down at Alicia, brushing a thumb across her cheek.  
>  “I don’t know if it’s a good idea, babydoll. No one ever knows if it’s a good idea to fall in love. But in this case, I damn sure want to find out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for how long it has taken me to post this Chapter. I may or may not have had a minor problem with plot bunnies. Suffice to say, there will be a sequel coming up to this. 
> 
> Also, I've been busy with school work, and I found out that my mom had breast cancer. We have kind of had a lot going on.
> 
> Anyway, this chapter is pretty simple, and I hope you enjoy it!

Chapter 7: Date Night

                It had taken a week of planning to pull it off, and a ridiculous amount of help from Darcy, Nat, and Tony. Well, the help had come mostly from Nat and Darcy. Tony had spent most of the time spouting nonsense, but occasionally he’d had a good idea. Still, it had made Steve wonder how Tony had ever successfully wooed Pepper. It had all finally come together, though. Now, as he walked around the room and made sure everything was exactly in its place, all he could do was worry that all the work would turn out to be for nothing.

                Steve looked around the studio one more time. The lights had been dimmed and were bathing the room in a faint pink. In the center, there was a small round table draped with a pure white cloth. Two candles sat on the table, and between them was a small, clear vase that held a single red rose. A silver wine chiller sat near the edge of the table with a bottle of sweet red wine in it. The table had been set with the fine China that had belonged to Tony’s mother, along with real silverware, which sat gleaming in the candle light.

                Along the mirrored wall, bursts of pink, red and white roses had been arranged on the barre. They surrounded candles, and the flicker of candle light reflected off of the mirrors, creating an almost ethereal glow that spread across the room. A path was drawn by rose petals strewn across the floor, leading from the door to the table, and lined by more candles. Steve had thought it would be the perfect cheesy, romantic thing to do when the idea had come to him. But now, his mind was filled with doubt.

                The thoughts tumbled through his mind like a mist, making his usually clear head feel hazy. _What if she doesn’t come? What if she thinks its too much? What if she just isn’t interested?_ He thought. Nat was supposed to tell her to come up here, but it felt like hours had passed since she’d left. A quick glance at the wax dripping along the candlesticks on the table told Steve it couldn’t have been more than ten minutes. He leaned against the wall where he could see the door, and he waited. God, he hated waiting. It was almost unbearable. An eternity passed, and he was just about to throw in the towel when he heard the door open.

                “Steve? Nat said you needed…” Alicia’s statement trailed off. Steve smiled as he watched gaze around the room with wide eyes. The way the candle light played across her face made his heart skip a beat, and suddenly he felt like a scrawny, wheezy teenager again. She was even more beautiful in the unsteady glow of the candles. He continued watching her, trying to keep his composure, as she gazed slowly around the room. Her eyes drifted across the arranged flowers and candles, to the table set for two, and finally they rested on him.  They stared at each other in silence for a moment. “What is all this?”

                Steve took a deep breath and approached her cautiously. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so damn nervous. “I remembered you told me that you have been single for a while,” he said, taking pains to avoid any mention of the accident. “I thought it was about time for someone took you on a proper date.” He was standing only a few feet away from her now, unsure if she would stay. She looked down at herself and smiled awkwardly.

                “I…uh…I’m underdressed.” She gestured to her black leggings, bare feet and white t-shirt with a blue police box on it. Steve thought she looked as nervous as he felt, and he closed the distance between them.

                “You’re beautiful.” She didn’t make eye contact with him. Steve thought that she doubted the truth in his statement, but she didn’t look like she was going to leave. He took one of her hands and led her over to the table. She reached for the nearest chair, but he gently pushed her hand away from it and shook his head, as he reached over and pulled the chair out for her to sit. Before pulling his own chair out, he stopped and poured them each a glass of wine.

                “I can’t believe you did all this for me,” Alicia said, accepting her glass of wine and watching him thoughtfully as he took his seat.

                “You deserve every bit of it.” He watched as a pink blush crept up her throat and into her face. She looked away, and all Steve could think about was making her blush like that again. Before she had walked through that door, he’d had a plan. Now that he was looking at her, he couldn’t think straight. He wasn’t sure what to say or do next, and he sorely wished that Bucky was around to tell him what he should do. He suddenly felt that he had gotten in over his head emotionally, and he wasn’t sure how it had happened. _What would Bucky do?_ He asked himself, and not for the first time.

                “So, what’s for dinner?” Alicia interrupted his thoughts. He felt awkward, like somehow if she looked at him hard enough, she would notice that his palms were sweaty. He mentally shook himself, and tried to tuck all of his doubts away. He didn’t know exactly what Bucky would have done in this situation, but he knew he wouldn’t have let nerves get in the way.

                “Honestly?” He answered, smiling nervously, “I don’t really know. Darcy is acting as our personal chef tonight, though. So it is guaranteed to be good.”

                “Oh, okay. I mean, I’ll eat pretty much anything. I’m not exactly picky. Guess it’s a side-effect of being broke.” She smiled warmly at him and he laughed. He relaxed a little as he was reminded that the two of them had common ground, and maybe that meant something to talk about. Alicia raised her eyebrows at him, taking a sip of her wine. “I feel like there is something missing.”

                Steve looked at her quizzically, trying to think of what he had forgotten. The silence went on for a few moments before Steve realized the silence was the problem. “Damn,” he muttered, “I forgot the music.” As if on cue, the beginning strains of Frank Sinatra’s “I’ve Got You Under My Skin” drifted from the speakers.

                “Steve,” Alicia said. “Did you snoop through my music collection?” Steve was surprised at the accusation. But she was smiling when he looked up at her. Was she joking? He wasn’t sure.

                “Um… no,” he said quietly. “I just….” He shrugged and ran a hand through his hair. Why did he feel so awkward? It was like he’d never had a conversation with her before, he had no idea what to say.

                “I adore Frank Sinatra,” she said, laughing. He smiled, relaxing a little. He was still unsure of how to continue the conversation, and he was a little relieved when he heard the door open again. Natasha walked in, wearing a white button down and a black pencil skirt. She had somehow managed to look every bit the waitress at a high end restaurant. She carried a tray in one hand, and walked over to the table. Alicia raised an eyebrow at her. She simply smiled and started serving food out onto each of their plates.

                “Tonight’s main course at Chez Avengers is a broiled lobster tail with a garlic and honey glazed, paired with a light fennel salad and carrot puree,” Nat said, sounding as professional as if she did this every night. “Just let JARVIS know when you are ready, and the dessert course will be brought in.” She winked conspiratorially at Steve and left the room.

                “Man, one of these days, I’m really gonna need to know how you got Nat to be our waitress for a night,” Alicia said, laughing. Steve smiled warmly at her. He moved his silverware around, but he didn’t take a bite of the food yet. He was waiting for Alicia to start. “And, I am gonna need to meet this Darcy person, because this looks absolutely delectable.” She took a small bite of the lobster and made a deep noise of appreciation. Steve watched her as they ate and made small talk. Was she as nervous as he was? He couldn’t tell. The small talk made him more nervous. Small talk was not his thing, he was more straight to the point, wanting to have real conversation, but he didn’t know where to start. So he just went with it, chatting about music and how much it had changed since the ‘40s. Alicia promised to make him a playlist from her favorite bands, and he knew immediately that he would enjoy it, no matter what kind of music it was.

                As they finished dinner, and Nat brought in dessert, Steve relaxed considerably. Alicia seemed to be enjoying herself, and that was what this was about. They finished their desserts and continued to carry on a conversation about nothing in particular. The song changed, it was some new song that Steve had never heard before, he wasn’t even sure what it was called, but Alicia confessed her adoration for the artist.

                “Would you like to dance?” he asked, standing up and offering her his hand. Alicia blushed that beautiful pink again and took his hand, but she didn’t stand up.

                “I can’t dance, Steve. I have two left feet.” In one swift motion, Steve swooped her out of her chair, pulled her close to him and set her down, so that her bare feet were on top of the toe of his boots.

                “That’s okay,” he said. “I can teach you.” He held her close to him with one arm and held her hand in his other. He danced them around the room, and Alicia smiled.

                “Where did you learn to dance?” He chuckled, thinking back to his teenage years.

                “Bucky taught me. He always said I’d never catch a dame if I couldn’t dance.” He could feel himself blushing. “And, awkwardly enough, he taught me just the same way I am dancing you around the room right now. For a while anyway, then he taught me how to lead.”

                “That’s not awkward at all, Steve. That’s lovely.”

                “Yeah, well when you are fifteen and your best friend is twirling you around a room while you stand on his feet, its kind of awkward.”

                “Steve, I want to apologize for the other day.” He opened his mouth to tell her that it wasn’t necessary; that he understood why she had reacted the way she had, but she lifted her free hand to stop him. “What I said about Bucky. I shouldn’t have belittled your feelings about him. It was wrong and it was mean, and I’m sorry.”

                “It’s okay. You were upset and I pushed too hard. I just wanted you to know that I understand, and that you telling me about the accident isn’t going to change the way I feel about you. And I don’t pity you.”

                “I know you don’t. I more than anything, I appreciate that. I have a bad temper, and I can be very, very mean when I’m angry.”

                “Can’t we all?” Steve said. He had only just realized that they weren’t dancing anymore. The music had carried on without them, and he felt almost as though he was in a bubble with Alicia, and nothing outside of that bubble mattered just then. He was looking down into her eyes, and he wanted to kiss her. It made him nervous all over again. Normally, Steve Rogers would have asked for permission, but tonight he thought to himself _what would Bucky do?_ And then he did it. He bent his head and kissed her. It was a chaste kiss, and she let him at first, but then she pushed at his chest. He immediately pulled back, wondering to himself if he had made a mistake; if he had blown it again. She looked up at him and he could see the doubt in her eyes.

                “Do you really think this is a good idea, Steve?” Alicia asked quietly. He wasn’t sure how to answer. Was it a good idea? Probably not. Getting too emotionally invested in someone never ended well for him. But the real question was did he care if it was a bad idea. He didn’t, and he smiled down at Alicia, brushing a thumb across her cheek.

                “I don’t know if it’s a good idea, babydoll. No one ever knows if it’s a good idea to fall in love. But in this case, I damn sure want to find out.” She shook her head and stepped back off of his feet

                “Steve, you don’t know what you’d be getting yourself into. I…” Alicia sighed. She looked him in the eye, and he could see the doubt and heart wrenching pain in her eyes. It made him want to kiss her until the pain went away; to take her to some secret place where he could somehow make it all better. “I’m damaged goods. You think this is what you want, but its not. You want to get married? Settle down? Start a family?” Steve couldn’t deny that he wanted those things. “I’m not the girl for that. I can’t… I can’t do that again.”

                “Listen,” he started. He sighed. “I’m not saying that I don’t want those things, marriage and family and all that. What I’m saying is I think that if I can be with you, make you happy, I can live without the rest.” He wasn’t sure where that had come from, and he wasn’t sure it was true. He did think that maybe, if he could make her happy and help her heal, she might change her mind.

                “I don’t know if I can do this,” she said. “Steve, I really like you. You are one of the most amazing people I have ever met. But, I don’t know if I can do this.”

                “With me?” Steve’s confidence faltered. He felt like she was breaking up with him, and they hadn’t even started dating yet.

                “With anyone. I’m not…”

                “You think you are not worthy of love. I know that. Please, Alicia, just give me a chance to show you that you are.” She looked sad and overwhelmingly tired. The kind of bone tired that came with the everyday emotional struggle of feeling like you weren’t quite good enough.

                “I… just don’t know. I’m scared, Steve. What if we do this and then one day you realize that you made a huge mistake, and decide I’m really not worth all the trouble.”

                “That will never happen,” Steve lifted her chin with two fingers and made her look him in the eye. “Never. I can’t say that this will be forever, Alicia. I can’t predict the future. But I can promise you one thing. I would never think or feel that you aren’t good enough for me.”

                “Okay,” she said. He couldn’t tell if she really believed him or if she was just too tired to fight against it anymore, but he would take the win. And then he would spend all the time he could proving to her that she was more than good enough. “I’m tired. Thank you for tonight. It was lovely, but I really think I’d like to go to bed now.” She leaned against him, and he wrapped one arm around her shoulder and walked her back to the barracks. The evening hadn’t gone completely according to plan, but it hadn’t been a complete failure. At least now she might give him a chance.

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is only my second fanfic. If you want to comment, give feedback, it is certainly welcomed. I will try to take into consideration any feedback and edit my story to make it better.
> 
> Disclaimer: The only character I own is Alicia, I do not own any other characters in this story. I am just borrowing them to have a little fun.


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